Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
