is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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