we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
