if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
