No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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