so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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