And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize