He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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