I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
