we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
