Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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