So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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