I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
