There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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