He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
