Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
