I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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