I faked an abortion last night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
