just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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