you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
