I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
