Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
