Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i drank out of a bidet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
