Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
