omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
