Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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