batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
