if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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