My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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