My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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