I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
