I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
