we have officially lost it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
