Duck Duck Cougar?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize