I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
