the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
