Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
