my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
