My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
