it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
