i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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