I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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