Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
