My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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