I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
