Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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