Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
