haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
