Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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