Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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