happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is her dick bigger than yours?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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