it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
