your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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