I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
