dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
