Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
