yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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