I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
