Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
