Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
