sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
