you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
