First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
