If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
