He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
