i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
