Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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