we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
