When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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