For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
