she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dick very happy bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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