we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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