She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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