cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
