Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
