she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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