No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
