if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
