i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
