HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
