oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
