Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
