hotel room ftw
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
