Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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