He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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