My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
